Nicholas Nickleby
by Charles Dickens
But the duties and responsibilities make the recompense small, and they are so very heavy that I fear to undertake them.'
'Do you decline to undertake them, sir?' inquired Mr Gregsbury, with his hand on the bell-rope.
'I fear they are too great for my powers, however good my will may be, sir,' replied Nicholas.
'That is as much as to say that you had rather not accept the place, and that you consider fifteen shillings a week too little,' said Mr Gregsbury, ringing. 'Do you decline it, sir?'
'I have no alternative but to do so,' replied Nicholas.
'Door, Matthews!' said Mr Gregsbury, as the boy appeared.
'I am sorry I have troubled you unnecessarily, sir,' said Nicholas.
'I am sorry you have,' rejoined Mr Gregsbury, turning his back upon him. 'Door, Matthews!'
'Good-morning, sir,' said Nicholas.
'Door, Matthews!' cried Mr Gregsbury.
The boy beckoned Nicholas, and tumbling lazily downstairs before him, opened the door, and ushered him into the street. With a sad and pensive air, he retraced his steps homewards.
Smike had scraped a meal together from the remnant of last night's supper, and was anxiously awaiting his return. The occurrences of the morning had not improved Nicholas's appetite, and, by him, the dinner remained untasted. He was sitting in a thoughtful attitude, with the plate which the poor fellow had assiduously filled with the choicest morsels, untouched, by his side, when Newman Noggs looked into the room.
'Come back?' asked Newman.
'Yes,' replied Nicholas, 'tired to death: and, what is worse, might have remained at home for all the good I have done.'
'Couldn't expect to do much in one morning,' said Newman.
'Maybe so, but I am sanguine, and did expect,' said Nicholas, 'and am proportionately disappointed.' Saying which, he gave Newman an account of his proceedings.
'If I could do anything,' said Nicholas, 'anything, however slight, until Ralph Nickleby returns, and I have eased my mind by confronting him, I should feel happier. I should think it no disgrace to work, Heaven knows. Lying indolently here, like a half-tamed sullen beast, distracts me.'
'I don't know,' said Newman; 'small things offer--they would pay the rent, and more--but you wouldn't like them; no, you could hardly be expected to undergo it--no, no.'
'What could I hardly be expected to undergo?' asked Nicholas, raising his eyes. 'Show me, in this wide waste of London, any honest means by which I could even defray the weekly hire of this poor room, and see if I shrink from resorting to them! Undergo! I have undergone too much, my friend, to feel pride or squeamishness now. Except--' added Nicholas hastily, after a short silence, 'except such squeamishness as is common honesty, and so much pride as constitutes self-respect. I see little to choose, between assistant to a brutal pedagogue, and toad-eater to a mean and ignorant upstart, be he member or no member.'
'I hardly know whether I should tell you what I heard this morning, or not,' said Newman.
'Has it reference to what you said just now?' asked Nicholas.
'It has.'
'Then in Heaven's name, my good friend, tell it me,' said Nicholas. 'For God's sake consider my deplorable condition; and, while I promise to take no step without taking counsel with you, give me, at least, a vote in my own behalf.