When I have added here that the Pirate scheme was blown to shivers, by
the Pirate-ship which had the Treasure on board being so vigorously
attacked by one of His Majesty's cruisers, among the West India Keys, and
being so swiftly boarded and carried, that nobody suspected anything
about the scheme until three-fourths of the Pirates were killed, and the
other fourth were in irons, and the Treasure was recovered; I come to the
last singular confession I have got to make.
It is this. I well knew what an immense and hopeless distance there was
between me and Miss Maryon; I well knew that I was no fitter company for
her than I was for the angels; I well knew, that she was as high above my
reach as the sky over my head; and yet I loved her. What put it in my
low heart to be so daring, or whether such a thing ever happened before
or since, as that a man so uninstructed and obscure as myself got his
unhappy thoughts lifted up to such a height, while knowing very well how
presumptuous and impossible to be realised they were, I am unable to say;
still, the suffering to me was just as great as if I had been a
gentleman. I suffered agony--agony. I suffered hard, and I suffered
long. I thought of her last words to me, however, and I never disgraced
them. If it had not been for those dear words, I think I should have
lost myself in despair and recklessness.
The ring will be found lying on my heart, of course, and will be laid
with me wherever I am laid. I am getting on in years now, though I am
able and hearty. I was recommended for promotion, and everything was
done to reward me that could be done; but my total want of all learning
stood in my way, and I found myself so completely out of the road to it
that I could not conquer any learning, though I tried. I was long in the
service, and I respected it, and was respected in it, and the service is
dear to me at this present hour.
At this present hour, when I give this out to my Lady to be written down,
all my old pain has softened away, and I am as happy as a man can be, at
this present fine old country-house of Admiral Sir George Carton,
Baronet. It was my Lady Carton who herself sought me out, over a great
many miles of the wide world, and found me in Hospital wounded, and
brought me here. It is my Lady Carton who writes down my words. My Lady
was Miss Maryon. And now, that I conclude what I had to tell, I see my
Lady's honoured gray hair droop over her face, as she leans a little
lower at her desk; and I fervently thank her for being so tender as I see
she is, towards the past pain and trouble of her poor, old, faithful,
humble soldier.
